1 00:01:06,375 --> 00:01:08,729 I don't think he wanted to be a pop star, but... 2 00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:12,243 I think he had that special feeling that he wanted to say something... 3 00:01:12,244 --> 00:01:16,458 for the people of his own generation, a feeling that he could make them happier. 4 00:01:16,459 --> 00:01:19,019 en hij voelde niet dat ie dat deed. 5 00:01:50,141 --> 00:01:52,316 it's crazy that people are discovering Nick. 6 00:01:52,351 --> 00:01:55,408 once you discover Nick, you'll tell other people. 7 00:01:56,836 --> 00:01:59,692 if you met a girl and you took her to her room... 8 00:01:59,693 --> 00:02:02,709 and if there were some Nick Drake records there... 9 00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:05,037 then you would probably want to marry her. 10 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:12,185 I have some affinity with him... 11 00:02:12,186 --> 00:02:15,300 if, like Nick, it reminds you of home. 12 00:02:18,985 --> 00:02:21,258 I think one of his great tragedies... 13 00:02:21,259 --> 00:02:24,592 I think he said to someone: "I don't have any more songs." 14 00:02:27,925 --> 00:02:32,376 there were times when it was very... was sad to work with him; 15 00:02:32,677 --> 00:02:34,480 later. 16 00:02:51,157 --> 00:02:53,437 well, I heard Nick Drake's music at a very late hour. 17 00:02:53,438 --> 00:02:56,407 and he has a kind of... 18 00:02:56,408 --> 00:02:58,866 magical quality, you know... 19 00:02:58,867 --> 00:03:02,049 there is a lot of mysticism, no, mystique... 20 00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:04,300 associated with Nick Drake because he only made three records. 21 00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:06,403 and not much is known about him, 22 00:03:06,404 --> 00:03:08,646 there is no film about him. 23 00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,985 very few recorded words. 24 00:03:11,286 --> 00:03:14,437 but there is still some kind of magic about his music, I believe. 25 00:03:16,543 --> 00:03:18,051 a kind of brittleness... 26 00:03:18,052 --> 00:03:20,492 with which a lot of people identified themselves. 27 00:03:32,343 --> 00:03:34,218 my parents were both wonderful. 28 00:03:34,219 --> 00:03:38,749 they had an idyllic wedding in Burma. 29 00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:42,416 because at that time life there was crazy for colonials. 30 00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:46,664 we were of a typical class, I suppose. 31 00:03:46,765 --> 00:03:49,283 a middle class. 32 00:03:49,684 --> 00:03:52,692 my father had gone east as a young man, 33 00:03:52,693 --> 00:03:54,719 and he was an engineer. 34 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:58,329 my mother was really Nick's mother. 35 00:03:59,294 --> 00:04:02,354 she was very pretty and very creative. 36 00:04:02,899 --> 00:04:07,455 and I think...really, it would have been a troubled soul... 37 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:10,280 if she hadn't married my father. 38 00:04:11,449 --> 00:04:16,148 my father made life possible for my mother. 39 00:04:17,026 --> 00:04:20,329 but he didn't destroy her creative spirit either. 40 00:04:20,330 --> 00:04:22,993 she flourished as a songwriter. 41 00:04:25,884 --> 00:04:28,360 we went back to england. Nicky was four. 42 00:04:29,021 --> 00:04:33,217 and our very first school days were together. 43 00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:38,933 and I always remember... I always remember Nick's first day of school. 44 00:04:38,934 --> 00:04:41,293 and I was a class elder at that school at the time. 45 00:04:41,294 --> 00:04:44,139 and I remember being absolutely beastly to him... 46 00:04:44,140 --> 00:04:47,893 when he ran into my classroom for a little... comfort... 47 00:04:47,894 --> 00:04:51,583 I almost denied the fact that he was my brother. 48 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,875 It was something I was deeply ashamed of afterwards... 49 00:04:55,876 --> 00:04:59,309 I made him feel that and he completely forgot it in later years. 50 00:04:59,310 --> 00:05:00,898 but I never forgot it. 51 00:05:13,925 --> 00:05:17,195 he was leader over various games and things at his first school... 52 00:05:17,196 --> 00:05:20,552 and when he went to the next school he became headboy of his first house. 53 00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:24,810 but it didn't seem to mean much to him. 54 00:05:24,811 --> 00:05:29,805 the headmaster gave him an excellent report, but at the end said that... 55 00:05:29,806 --> 00:05:32,978 "none of us really seemed to know him well." 56 00:05:32,979 --> 00:05:36,644 and I think it was like that all the way through for Nick. 57 00:05:37,897 --> 00:05:40,132 people didn't really know him. 58 00:07:44,583 --> 00:07:46,796 music was a big part of my life... 59 00:07:46,797 --> 00:07:49,082 as I said, my father and mother composed... 60 00:07:49,083 --> 00:07:52,430 both songs from my earliest childhood... 61 00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:55,303 I remember it happening; especially my mother, 62 00:07:55,619 --> 00:07:58,286 who wrote songs about both of us. 63 00:07:59,156 --> 00:08:01,799 from my earliest childhood. 64 00:08:06,156 --> 00:08:11,232 I believe that Nick was subconsciously very influenced by her... 65 00:08:11,733 --> 00:08:14,608 he would have been horrified at that time if he had heard this. 66 00:08:14,609 --> 00:08:18,642 but I'm pretty sure that he was influenced by her entire chord structure... 67 00:08:18,643 --> 00:08:20,108 and by the way she composed. 68 00:08:20,109 --> 00:08:24,165 maybe it's the best way to show this by performing one of her songs. 69 00:08:24,166 --> 00:08:28,825 and somewhere, you can hear the similarity and the influence. 70 00:10:10,824 --> 00:10:14,119 I met Nick Drake when he was here in Cambridge... 71 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:17,088 and he attended Fitzwilliam College to study English. 72 00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:23,332 there was a part of us that felt somewhat superior... 73 00:10:23,333 --> 00:10:26,967 above other students who cycled to lectures on their bicycles... 74 00:10:26,968 --> 00:10:29,452 we would get up late, we would smoke dope... 75 00:10:29,453 --> 00:10:32,457 we wouldn't... go to lectures... 76 00:10:32,458 --> 00:10:36,139 I think we had the feeling that somehow we felt "more"... 77 00:10:37,079 --> 00:10:40,336 I was the kid who smoked more dope than anyone... 78 00:10:40,337 --> 00:10:43,510 and I'm the kid who got into drug problems... later. 79 00:10:44,415 --> 00:10:47,345 but actually... it was really a three year vacation... 80 00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:50,082 and Nick would get out and just focus on playing the guitar... 81 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,112 I would sometimes go to him in Fitzwilliam. 82 00:10:52,113 --> 00:10:55,187 and he would just play the same riff of music over and over again. 83 00:10:55,563 --> 00:10:59,751 it seemed like it never cost him any effort. I was always struck by his guitar playing... 84 00:10:59,752 --> 00:11:02,465 because I always heard Beatles songs or something in it. 85 00:11:02,466 --> 00:11:06,481 he played a... folky, bluesy music style... 86 00:11:06,482 --> 00:11:10,163 it was always very clear and with great accuracy... 87 00:11:10,164 --> 00:11:11,947 and he could repeat that over and over again. 88 00:11:11,982 --> 00:11:14,757 and just keep going for hours and hours playing that amazing music riff. 89 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:16,828 with that crazy finger picking stuff. 90 00:11:16,829 --> 00:11:18,337 it just surprised me. 91 00:11:18,338 --> 00:11:21,118 we didn't actually perform much. 92 00:11:22,747 --> 00:11:24,983 I can let you read a bit... 93 00:11:37,723 --> 00:11:39,912 I have to say that I'm afraid this letter... 94 00:11:40,873 --> 00:11:42,835 has been eaten by mice. 95 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,758 in the drawer where it was kept. 96 00:11:46,759 --> 00:11:51,281 so, there are pieces that are missing, but not... not too bad. 97 00:11:51,282 --> 00:11:52,868 yes, here I have it. 98 00:11:54,648 --> 00:11:57,999 "It may surprise you to hear that over the last few weeks... 99 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,169 "I am extremely happy with life. 100 00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:02,042 "and I don't know why. 101 00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:06,952 "it seems that Cambridge can get people to do nice things, if only one allows it. 102 00:12:06,953 --> 00:12:09,480 "and I'm not sure I allowed that before. 103 00:12:09,681 --> 00:12:14,365 "I think I have one or two useless ones and threw away limiting complexes... 104 00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:16,067 "which I picked up somewhere before I came here. 105 00:12:17,605 --> 00:12:19,983 “the work isn't that bad at the moment. 106 00:12:19,984 --> 00:12:23,671 "I am concerned with 17th and 18th century poets. 107 00:12:23,672 --> 00:12:26,519 "people like Swift, Pope, Blake, etc. 108 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,999 "who have a lot to offer in their own way. 109 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,648 "but they seem very difficult to write about. 110 00:12:31,649 --> 00:12:34,382 “must stop now and go to bed.” 111 00:14:45,105 --> 00:14:48,507 we were both very excited that he was staying in Cambridge. 112 00:14:48,508 --> 00:14:51,291 whatever else you did in life, If you managed to get a degree... 113 00:14:51,292 --> 00:14:53,452 then at least you have something to fall back on. 114 00:14:53,453 --> 00:14:58,459 his reactions to it were that a safety net just wasn't the thing he wanted. 115 00:14:59,381 --> 00:15:01,856 than rather mow the ground from under my feet. 116 00:15:04,411 --> 00:15:08,908 he teased with a certain degree of nostalgia looking back on the days in Cambridge. 117 00:15:09,744 --> 00:15:12,677 but, that's... another story. 118 00:15:20,409 --> 00:15:23,236 we actually shared a flat in London. 119 00:15:23,237 --> 00:15:26,108 until one day, Nick came into my room... 120 00:15:27,329 --> 00:15:29,762 and... he was a man of few words, my brother. 121 00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:33,902 and, said... "here like this." 122 00:15:33,908 --> 00:15:38,133 and threw the entire record "Five Leaves Left." on my bed. 123 00:15:38,134 --> 00:15:41,489 I was completely amazed... I couldn't believe it... 124 00:15:41,490 --> 00:15:44,042 this is my brother, my little brother... 125 00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:48,131 had produced a complete LP, as it was then called. 126 00:15:48,884 --> 00:15:50,087 it was just crazy. 127 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,787 you could work well with him. 128 00:16:09,788 --> 00:16:12,069 the only thing you had to worry about was the other people. 129 00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:14,918 because Nick's guitar always sounded the best. 130 00:16:15,219 --> 00:16:18,015 Nick's voice would always sound right. 131 00:16:18,684 --> 00:16:22,440 Nick was just there...and I think... 132 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:26,620 when you listen back to the records, the guitar is one of the things that matter most... 133 00:16:26,621 --> 00:16:29,177 was exceptional because... 134 00:16:33,585 --> 00:16:38,364 it is so clear and strong, and all the notes are in balance. 135 00:16:38,666 --> 00:16:40,883 it's very unusual to have such complicated... 136 00:16:41,284 --> 00:16:46,637 finger picking parts which were played in such a clear strong way. 137 00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:50,033 every note... so that you really... 138 00:16:51,319 --> 00:16:54,930 can build the entire recording around the guitar. 139 00:16:58,093 --> 00:17:00,291 Nick and I lived in London at the time. 140 00:17:00,610 --> 00:17:02,978 and I think “At the Chime of the City Clock"... 141 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,716 I'm going to get to the pre-studio part now, not how I worked on it. 142 00:17:07,717 --> 00:17:10,116 but really tried to capture the mood of it, and... 143 00:17:10,117 --> 00:17:12,803 it was gloomy, lonely, wet. 144 00:17:13,816 --> 00:17:17,103 an October evening, wandering along some street in London. 145 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:20,634 there are different songs like this, that Nick makes... "Parasite" for example, on Pink Moon... 146 00:17:20,635 --> 00:17:22,099 I believe it's a similar kind of mood. 147 00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:27,760 so we decided to put counter melodies in it... but no chords. 148 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:33,785 so most of it is another melody, to make it lonely and gloomy. 149 00:17:34,486 --> 00:17:37,337 and in fact there is also an octave difference between the violins... 150 00:17:37,338 --> 00:17:39,615 or the cellos that play the underlying part. 151 00:17:41,098 --> 00:17:44,625 also on "Fruit Tree", the way in which the oboe and the cor anglais are... 152 00:17:44,626 --> 00:17:48,243 they just play a long melody and one takes over after another. 153 00:17:48,244 --> 00:17:51,343 'because I didn't want to take over from the guitar playing, 154 00:17:51,344 --> 00:17:54,724 which is actually kind of...well, You'll know it when you hear it, it's... 155 00:17:55,832 --> 00:18:00,274 it's like a machine, I don't want to take away the technology... 156 00:18:00,275 --> 00:18:02,531 'because it's beautiful and very spiritual, but... 157 00:18:04,267 --> 00:18:06,799 it's all demanding, you shouldn't go against the rhythm... 158 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,003 'because Nick always keeps the rhythm perfect. 159 00:18:10,204 --> 00:18:13,598 we were looking for a somber, lonely sound, and I think... 160 00:18:13,599 --> 00:18:17,274 John did it perfectly again. there was the guitar, strings... 161 00:18:17,275 --> 00:18:19,722 and overdubbing the woodwinds, isn't it? 162 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:31,127 so here on a track you have the guitar. 163 00:18:34,938 --> 00:18:39,051 and that's the rock the whole thing is built on. 164 00:18:40,810 --> 00:18:43,963 that's his voice coming out of the guitar microphone. 165 00:18:47,721 --> 00:18:49,624 and there you have the vocals. 166 00:19:05,447 --> 00:19:06,505 that's Dave. 167 00:19:08,632 --> 00:19:11,050 that's probably Dave playing guitar. 168 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,066 Bass guitar. 169 00:19:19,069 --> 00:19:20,663 and that's the percussion 170 00:19:49,668 --> 00:19:53,313 what you hear now is only the rough version here. 171 00:19:54,956 --> 00:19:58,890 at the time, when we were in the studio, that's what it sounded like. 172 00:20:01,087 --> 00:20:06,058 but then we would... putting a perspective on the sound. 173 00:20:06,159 --> 00:20:08,503 for which we would use echo. 174 00:20:30,091 --> 00:20:32,502 and from there you can just hear the song playing again. 175 00:22:05,525 --> 00:22:09,272 I thought everything would be fine. we were going to send Nick on his way... 176 00:22:09,273 --> 00:22:10,736 and it was all going to be crazy. 177 00:22:12,086 --> 00:22:17,709 and so we sent him on tour to colleges and clubs... you know. 178 00:22:18,060 --> 00:22:20,937 and it didn't work at all, because... 179 00:22:21,238 --> 00:22:27,148 it depended on the situation where you had a bar or had people drinking or talking. 180 00:22:29,117 --> 00:22:31,200 he couldn't make anyone stop talking. 181 00:22:31,201 --> 00:22:34,649 he didn't know what to say to them, it took a long time for his guitar to be tuned... 182 00:22:34,650 --> 00:22:36,869 because every song had a different guitar tuning. 183 00:22:39,482 --> 00:22:43,590 and at last he became so discouraged by the fact that people did not keep their mouths shut... 184 00:22:44,809 --> 00:22:48,011 he was no Keith Jarret, you should know. 185 00:22:49,594 --> 00:22:53,327 he wouldn't stop and say "shut up, I'm not going to play until you guys calm down. " 186 00:22:55,531 --> 00:22:58,132 and one day he just called and said, "I'm coming home." 187 00:22:59,089 --> 00:23:01,213 and we canceled the rest of the shows. 188 00:23:02,054 --> 00:23:04,416 and he never actually did another show again. 189 00:23:22,126 --> 00:23:24,844 a friend of mine went to see him and banged on the door... 190 00:23:24,845 --> 00:23:26,967 and there was no answer. so he walked around... 191 00:23:26,968 --> 00:23:30,013 to the back of the house and looked through the window and there was Nick. 192 00:23:30,014 --> 00:23:33,393 just looking at the wall. he just sat there staring at the wall. 193 00:23:33,394 --> 00:23:36,384 He didn't want to tap on the window to disturb him, but... 194 00:23:36,385 --> 00:23:38,596 he just left. 195 00:23:41,528 --> 00:23:43,999 he said, "you know, he's a really weird guy sometimes." 196 00:23:45,204 --> 00:23:49,620 Nick only seemed to become more isolated, you would go to him and... 197 00:23:49,621 --> 00:23:53,074 the conversation would become awkward, and then I would leave. 198 00:25:24,691 --> 00:25:28,052 and then he decided to go to his parents' house where... 199 00:25:28,053 --> 00:25:31,926 I think it embarrassed him quite a bit, was quite ashamed that... 200 00:25:31,927 --> 00:25:34,801 he had been unable to cope with London and couldn't pay the rent and... 201 00:25:34,802 --> 00:25:37,145 doing all the things we all have to do and... 202 00:25:37,146 --> 00:25:39,820 eventually ended up back with his parents. and he was hospitalized... 203 00:25:39,821 --> 00:25:44,112 when he was there and was treated with anti-depressants. 204 00:25:44,113 --> 00:25:46,890 I don't believe the psychiatrist could have done anything differently. 205 00:25:46,891 --> 00:25:50,422 when you are presented with something like that, from a privileged background... 206 00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:54,338 finished school well, went to Cambridge, what kind of diagnosis are you going to give? 207 00:25:54,339 --> 00:25:57,304 doctors think in terms of diagnosis... 208 00:25:59,066 --> 00:26:03,261 I see it more as an existential thing, that the world... 209 00:26:03,262 --> 00:26:06,378 a rather heartless and had become a rather pointless place. 210 00:26:07,121 --> 00:26:09,163 back home 211 00:26:37,535 --> 00:26:42,450 he once said: "I don't like it at home, but I can't stand it anywhere else. " 212 00:26:42,451 --> 00:26:46,803 I think he felt it as a kind of refusal. he had to come back here. 213 00:26:47,004 --> 00:26:49,869 he has tried to leave many times. 214 00:26:49,870 --> 00:26:54,259 very often. he was used to it on several nights to stay away. we never knew where he was. 215 00:26:54,260 --> 00:26:58,696 we would call his friends and wondered if they had seen Nick. 216 00:26:58,697 --> 00:27:00,649 in case he was in trouble, you know. 217 00:27:02,717 --> 00:27:06,286 I believe he had rejected the world. 218 00:27:06,287 --> 00:27:08,491 nothing made him happy. 219 00:27:14,322 --> 00:27:17,221 Well, I've never actually seen the beginning of a change... 220 00:27:17,222 --> 00:27:21,660 none of us. it was something that had kind of crept in...with Nick. 221 00:27:21,661 --> 00:27:24,020 and the great difficulty for my parents... 222 00:27:24,021 --> 00:27:26,371 which were extraordinary... 223 00:27:27,217 --> 00:27:31,204 tried so hard, you know... as best we could understand it. 224 00:27:33,011 --> 00:27:36,308 they tried to get a grip on his illness and tried to understand, 225 00:27:36,309 --> 00:27:40,247 but it was very difficult, because they felt that everything they did was wrong. 226 00:27:40,248 --> 00:27:43,061 and in a funny way, everything everyone did was wrong. 227 00:27:43,062 --> 00:27:44,554 but they were much more there and present. 228 00:27:44,555 --> 00:27:50,246 he withdrew, as it were, into his own home environment. 229 00:27:50,983 --> 00:27:53,010 but he wanted to break it so badly, and... 230 00:27:53,011 --> 00:27:54,956 felt disconnected from it, I think. 231 00:27:58,207 --> 00:28:03,856 I don't think he really felt that he was part of his home background. 232 00:28:04,821 --> 00:28:07,681 but he couldn't escape it, towards the end. 233 00:28:09,403 --> 00:28:11,491 he saw more. 234 00:28:13,224 --> 00:28:16,481 and that is reflected in his songs and almost nowhere else. 235 00:28:17,925 --> 00:28:22,256 I think he was getting quieter... the moment he saw more. 236 00:28:27,479 --> 00:28:32,667 he once said to me: “I failed at everything I tried to do.” 237 00:28:33,358 --> 00:28:36,105 I said, “Oh, Nick, how can you?” and then I... 238 00:28:36,106 --> 00:28:40,031 worked out all the things he had so obviously done. 239 00:28:40,032 --> 00:28:43,658 that didn't make any difference. he felt he had failed... 240 00:28:43,659 --> 00:28:46,820 to get through to the people he wanted to talk to. 241 00:28:52,267 --> 00:28:57,694 his mother called me, and she said they wanted him to see a psychiatrist. 242 00:28:58,502 --> 00:29:02,978 and that he...felt people were judging him. 243 00:29:04,302 --> 00:29:06,817 but that was some kind of sign of weakness. 244 00:29:08,226 --> 00:29:10,157 typical English point of view by the way. 245 00:29:12,979 --> 00:29:15,189 and... if I wanted to talk to him? 246 00:29:15,940 --> 00:29:19,038 so I spoke to him and just said: no one will think worse of you... 247 00:29:20,001 --> 00:29:23,575 if you're looking for help if you need help. 248 00:29:24,241 --> 00:29:25,830 that's normal. 249 00:29:26,277 --> 00:29:28,040 but it didn't sound good at all. 250 00:30:17,936 --> 00:30:23,780 he came to me, looking bad, very dirty, etc, etc. 251 00:30:25,997 --> 00:30:29,520 in a sense, what he said to me there, he had his outburst... 252 00:30:29,521 --> 00:30:32,652 of anger about just about everything. 253 00:30:34,164 --> 00:30:36,708 "Everyone tells me I'm crazy but I'm broke." 254 00:30:37,609 --> 00:30:38,767 "why?" 255 00:30:40,770 --> 00:30:44,934 in a sense it was an expression in the conversation... 256 00:30:44,935 --> 00:30:47,208 of the lyrics to "Hanging on a Star". 257 00:30:48,913 --> 00:30:51,612 "If you think so highly of me, Then why am I so low? " 258 00:30:51,613 --> 00:30:54,745 "what's the story? why don't I understand? " 259 00:30:54,746 --> 00:30:56,669 “Everyone says I'm a genius.” 260 00:30:56,670 --> 00:31:00,929 "and I have no money at all, I don't have a career... 261 00:31:00,930 --> 00:31:02,276 "It's a big mess. " 262 00:31:09,656 --> 00:31:13,315 you must remember that although I only saw Nick on occasion... 263 00:31:13,316 --> 00:31:15,334 I mainly saw him when he was working on an album, so... 264 00:31:15,335 --> 00:31:18,815 at the time the last album came out, the last of the three... 265 00:31:20,751 --> 00:31:22,482 he was seriously withdrawn into himself. 266 00:31:22,483 --> 00:31:27,326 it was quite dramatic, everyone will tell you that. 267 00:31:27,327 --> 00:31:29,986 everyone who saw him then I can tell you that it was a dramatic farewell... 268 00:31:29,987 --> 00:31:31,475 of the Nick we knew. 269 00:31:31,476 --> 00:31:34,382 he didn't say much just strange mutterings. 270 00:31:35,712 --> 00:31:38,486 he had a dejected attitude. 271 00:31:40,730 --> 00:31:43,456 his sister once said that the pictures in the Heath house... 272 00:31:43,457 --> 00:31:45,836 which in particular this album was, the fairest ones she had seen. 273 00:31:45,837 --> 00:31:48,476 I'm not sure if I should totally agree with that, but I know what she means. 274 00:31:49,577 --> 00:31:51,579 it reflected how he functioned at that time. 275 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:56,053 you will meet people who will tell you that he was depressed at other times... 276 00:31:57,231 --> 00:32:00,136 I was there at the time, the time of the sessions and... 277 00:32:00,137 --> 00:32:02,578 not at all like that last session. 278 00:32:03,462 --> 00:32:06,826 while before you exchanged ideas, and you talked together and made things work... 279 00:32:06,827 --> 00:32:10,747 he basically just sat or stood there, and ran back and forth and finally... 280 00:32:10,748 --> 00:32:13,852 I couldn't think of anything more to say. I just clammed up. it was as if you were working on a still life. 281 00:32:42,331 --> 00:32:45,382 I always say that Nick was born with "a skin too little". 282 00:32:45,603 --> 00:32:50,487 but I think you can summarize it better through a poem my mother wrote. 283 00:32:51,396 --> 00:32:53,781 and it's a poem called "The Shell." 284 00:32:55,723 --> 00:32:57,494 it goes like this... 285 00:32:58,294 --> 00:33:02,274 “life grows around us like a skin. 286 00:33:02,275 --> 00:33:04,859 "to shut up the outer waste. 287 00:33:05,499 --> 00:33:08,390 "for when we mark the farthest depth. 288 00:33:08,391 --> 00:33:11,769 "We would have been dead years ago, before we enter the grave. 289 00:33:12,505 --> 00:33:15,684 "just spinning around in the homely enclosure... 290 00:33:15,685 --> 00:33:19,590 of worries, dissatisfaction, and little pleasure... 291 00:33:19,591 --> 00:33:23,858 we grow and blossom and rarely see... 292 00:33:23,859 --> 00:33:27,188 “the outward darkness that would shame our eyes. 293 00:33:29,050 --> 00:33:31,011 “some break the shell; 294 00:33:31,012 --> 00:33:35,328 "I believe there are people pushing their fingers through the fragile walls 295 00:33:35,329 --> 00:33:39,297 "and make a hole, and through that horrible crack... 296 00:33:39,298 --> 00:33:43,482 "with naked eyes at the embers of the world staring outwards. 297 00:33:44,344 --> 00:33:46,689 "They look out as well as in. 298 00:33:46,690 --> 00:33:50,931 "knowing himself, and too many other things besides. " 299 00:33:57,728 --> 00:34:00,930 John Wood and I did the final recording session. 300 00:34:02,345 --> 00:34:04,248 he was in such a mood... 301 00:34:04,283 --> 00:34:07,205 that he could not play the guitar and sing at the same time. 302 00:34:07,206 --> 00:34:09,905 those last four tracks... 303 00:34:10,624 --> 00:34:12,532 "Black-eyed Dog" and all that... 304 00:34:12,533 --> 00:34:17,481 were recorded with the guitar and then singing over the guitar. 305 00:34:17,482 --> 00:34:20,409 because he's way too... 306 00:34:20,410 --> 00:34:25,695 was nervous... I don't know how to describe his mood as it was... 307 00:34:25,696 --> 00:34:31,051 but it was very painful to see how he tried to do those recordings... 308 00:34:31,144 --> 00:34:34,887 they were extraordinary recordings, but they were the combination of them... 309 00:34:37,047 --> 00:34:41,481 the lyrics and the music and Nick's mood at the moment he made them... 310 00:34:41,482 --> 00:34:45,924 was a very... frightening experience. 311 00:35:46,735 --> 00:35:48,582 he went to bed quite early. 312 00:35:48,583 --> 00:35:52,967 I remember him standing at that door and I said, "Are you going to bed, Nick?" 313 00:35:53,468 --> 00:35:55,041 ik kan hem nu gewoon voor me zien. 314 00:35:58,182 --> 00:36:02,834 apparently he had been downstairs, he was downstairs at night. 315 00:36:04,093 --> 00:36:07,064 ik hoorde wat corn flakes of zoiets. 316 00:36:07,365 --> 00:36:12,202 en dat deed ie vaak als hij niet kon slapen. 317 00:36:12,703 --> 00:36:16,025 often more than not, Molly would hear him. 318 00:36:16,026 --> 00:36:18,260 my god knows how many nights this happened. 319 00:36:18,261 --> 00:36:20,750 she would hear him as he passed our bedroom... 320 00:36:20,751 --> 00:36:23,960 en dan stond ze op, trok haar ochtendjas aan, went down and talked to him. 321 00:36:23,961 --> 00:36:25,673 this time she didn't hear him. 322 00:36:25,674 --> 00:36:28,099 but he had apparently been downstairs. 323 00:36:28,850 --> 00:36:32,403 toen ging hij terug en nam deze extra sterke dosis van die... 324 00:36:33,844 --> 00:36:38,929 pillen die hem voorgeschreven waren, Tryptizol genaamd... 325 00:36:38,930 --> 00:36:41,438 waarvan hij dacht dat het kalmeringsmiddelen waren. 326 00:36:41,439 --> 00:36:46,050 hij vertelde ons dat hij er daar drie per dag van moest innemen of zoiets. 327 00:36:46,976 --> 00:36:50,300 - they were prescribed... - you were always worried about Nick... 328 00:36:50,301 --> 00:36:52,133 omdat ie zo depressief was, en toen hij zich placht te verstoppen... 329 00:36:52,134 --> 00:36:55,094 the aspirin and the sleeping pills and things like that. 330 00:36:55,095 --> 00:36:57,716 we didn't do those special things... 331 00:36:57,717 --> 00:37:02,553 I think, were... dangerous in a way. 332 00:37:18,071 --> 00:37:22,687 and... that was it. the next morning... 333 00:37:23,435 --> 00:37:25,924 he often didn't get up that early at all. 334 00:37:25,925 --> 00:37:28,332 sometimes he had very bad nights. 335 00:37:28,333 --> 00:37:32,214 and I never intended to disturb him at all, but it was about... 336 00:37:33,902 --> 00:37:36,429 It was almost 12 o'clock and I went in... 337 00:37:37,051 --> 00:37:40,055 because it had to be about time for him to get out of bed... 338 00:37:40,056 --> 00:37:42,065 and he lay there diagonally across his bed. 339 00:37:44,070 --> 00:37:47,128 the first thing I saw were his long, long legs. 340 00:37:54,733 --> 00:37:57,919 I was in a comedy at the Bristol Old Vic at the time. 341 00:37:58,673 --> 00:38:01,146 het was mijn premiere. 342 00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:05,795 ik belde mijn ouders na de show... 343 00:38:05,796 --> 00:38:09,007 wat ik altijd de eerste avond deed, om ze te vertellen hoe het was gegaan. 344 00:38:09,008 --> 00:38:11,296 and I remembered the phone was busy. 345 00:38:11,297 --> 00:38:13,867 hij was continu in gesprek, en ik dacht... 346 00:38:13,868 --> 00:38:16,494 dat hij buiten werking moest zijn of zoiets. 347 00:38:16,495 --> 00:38:20,294 of course they had taken the phone off the hook, dat was op de dag dat Nick was gestorven. 348 00:38:20,911 --> 00:38:24,536 and they didn't want to tell me over the phone... 349 00:38:24,537 --> 00:38:26,465 at that precise moment. 350 00:38:26,652 --> 00:38:31,318 but what happened was that the next day they drove to Bristol. 351 00:38:31,702 --> 00:38:33,710 but they sent a telegram saying they were coming. 352 00:38:34,655 --> 00:38:37,434 and for some crazy reason, I thought it had to be... 353 00:38:38,339 --> 00:38:40,998 that they were on their way to visit grandma. 354 00:38:42,418 --> 00:38:45,748 I had no idea why they would come. not at all. 355 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,507 and then they were here, and they told me. 356 00:38:50,313 --> 00:38:52,875 and even though I had no idea why they would come... 357 00:38:53,176 --> 00:38:55,717 I remember putting my head in my hands and saying... 358 00:38:55,954 --> 00:38:57,964 I knew it. 359 00:38:57,965 --> 00:39:03,112 and of course they thought that Nick had sent me a card or something... 360 00:39:03,113 --> 00:39:04,812 it had nothing to do with that. 361 00:39:04,813 --> 00:39:07,406 at first I didn't know at all. 362 00:39:07,407 --> 00:39:10,064 but unconsciously... 363 00:39:10,065 --> 00:39:12,697 I knew it. 364 00:40:29,851 --> 00:40:33,856 I'm really not sure if Nick wanted to commit suicide. 365 00:40:34,157 --> 00:40:36,329 My gut tells me that what must have happened was... 366 00:40:37,159 --> 00:40:41,027 that he had all those pills with him... it certainly wasn't meant to be. 367 00:40:42,586 --> 00:40:47,806 that he simply took them all in his hand and put it in his mouth... 368 00:40:47,807 --> 00:40:49,616 and she swallowed and thought: “what the fuck does it matter!” 369 00:40:49,851 --> 00:40:53,735 "Either I die or I live and everything will be changed." 370 00:40:53,936 --> 00:40:55,938 “something else will happen.” 371 00:41:38,314 --> 00:41:43,083 if you are particularly lucky... 372 00:41:43,084 --> 00:41:47,165 to come from a loving family. 373 00:41:48,436 --> 00:41:50,957 the price you have to pay for that special happiness... 374 00:41:50,958 --> 00:41:53,873 is the death of the people in that family. 375 00:41:53,874 --> 00:41:56,978 that is the tragedy that is always there... 376 00:41:56,979 --> 00:41:59,071 it changes your life forever. 377 00:42:00,372 --> 00:42:03,263 but you outgrow it. 378 00:42:23,963 --> 00:42:25,708 I was quite shocked, actually. 379 00:42:27,450 --> 00:42:29,562 People say we should have seen it coming, but... 380 00:42:29,563 --> 00:42:33,276 Like I said, Nick always had these... oddities. 381 00:42:35,199 --> 00:42:39,362 but it was a shock. I hadn't heard from him for two or three months. 382 00:42:43,632 --> 00:42:45,575 I was just terribly sad. 383 00:42:47,575 --> 00:42:49,595 I suppose I wasn't surprised. 384 00:42:58,491 --> 00:43:02,453 but it was... it seemed like a great loss. 385 00:43:03,766 --> 00:43:07,575 for someone I enjoyed working with so much. 386 00:43:21,556 --> 00:43:27,371 "I'm afraid my voice is failing me quite badly at this stage." 387 00:43:28,159 --> 00:43:30,235 "i'll just do another song." 388 00:45:14,782 --> 00:45:17,727 of course the only thing that gave meaning to his death... 389 00:45:17,728 --> 00:45:22,594 is his fame that now... comes out. 390 00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:24,228 above all, I think it is not his fame... 391 00:45:24,229 --> 00:45:27,221 it's more the fact that a lot of young people... 392 00:45:27,222 --> 00:45:30,158 found so much help in his music. 393 00:45:30,484 --> 00:45:35,774 I think it would have given him a lot of pleasure. 394 00:45:35,775 --> 00:45:37,727 he once said to my mother: 395 00:45:37,728 --> 00:45:43,025 "if only I could feel that my music could do something to help a single person. " 396 00:45:43,026 --> 00:45:44,737 "then it would have been worth it. " 397 00:46:58,373 --> 00:47:01,662 subtitles: scalisto for KG Dutch subtitles; GIJSIO